“erase ” | the creep experiment

building experience, identity, knowledge, spirit, work, community, connections and finding a deep-rooted place and calming reality in your existence..

..then being hit with a sick feeling in your stomach that despite all this, there is still no belonging.

a desire to be erased and lose all connection to this world and find that real place.

coupled with working on multiple projects to expose a lot of what i have ‘built’ is, as ever, sending me in a spin.

fastened to one spot, moving but not going anywhere.

behance gallery

a chilled and profound soak-in of the reflections -

of wadi mujib.

of a day filled with mad adventure.

of struggling against the current of an awesome waterfall,

and a rocky water-bed below my feet.

of rock-wall climbs, ropes, ripped pants and lost hijab.

life exposed at it’s bare bones.

of the insignificance of said struggle.

of the distraction of the struggle.

of when you realise to look up.

and forget your little self:

to witness the Majesty and awe-inspiring view’s above,

the brother/sister-hood shown beside,

and the freedom of having my ego lost in the current and trapped for a minute below.

no camera to hide behind the lens, no phone, no wallet, no nothing.

just clothes against on skin, under a daggy old float vest.

just humility.

just absolute perfection.

just the waterfall.

just the Manifestation of His Absolute Strength and Perpetual Beauty. 

…

photo taken at sunset with a view to the dead sea, jordan, somewhere along the road to the ‘lowest place on Earth’ and ‘prophet Lot’s cave’

“lurk II ” | the creep experiment

skulk

loiter

lie in wait

hide

conceal oneself

take cover

keep out of sight

… 

eyes that were narrowed, thoughts that were trapped, heart that was imprisoned - once illusive & lurking in shadows; once the intriguing and mysterious creature. now the intrigued and now too curious to not show face.

these first shots represent the scratching of the heavy-façade surface, and are only a familiar-yet-uncomfortable-whiff of that daunting reality that most of us find too difficult to realise and articulate, let alone share.

i aim for this project to be a natural extraction of whatever reality is buried (and sometimes conveniently forgotten) within.

“lurk I” | ‘the creep experiment’

i expect to release:

darkness

light

ugly

beauty

and the undefinable in-between.

…

my own face already reminds me how haunting this project is,

for me and for you all who are reluctant to take a deeper look at the not-so-flattering but real-of-The-Real depths within.

but we need to start diggin’.

my shovel is my camera,

what’s yours?

moon #amman

it’s time to dig out the skeletons, open the monster-ridden cupboard and look under the bed.

for too long i’ve been skimming the surface of spiritual/artistic exploration.

thus: ‘the creep experiment’.

much like the art and writing i have been doing for about 2 years, it started with a need ‘to find something else, something great, something more’ than the mediocre and expected. creeped up and out of an impromptu (& very homemade) photo shoot, this project has been birthed out of a need to better define my experience and stop fluttering around with two-minute art. 

i realise my art has generated reflections on self-identity, spiritual development and striving to find God (this, at the best, but bumbling foolery at the least) and although they have been true, they’re unarticulated.

like

an undeveloped idea

an unfinished (delicious) dinner

a vain-hearted attempt

concepts only explored for a minute, truth exposed only for a moment.

thus the need to express boldly - to the point that it gashes and scars me - realise open wounds in order to heal them, instead of leaving a cancerous idea bubble under my skin and letting it consume me with regret.

all that is odd, unexpected, all that we fear (to show, to hide), and how that reflects and shapes our world and other-worldly view - to be exposed, no matter how discomforting and creepy.

(if i have learnt anything, it is that ‘otherness’ has saved me when i was otherwise drowning in mainstream un-thinking)

so let the lurking ideas start to creep and be exposed in the light to be seen clearly.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Old fabric + paint rage + ink sketch.

I still don’t know what this means.
It had been in my head for weeks.

…

p.s. The sketch I did is not my design (still working on the drawing skills).

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

It’s humbling and amazing what one day of solitude can generate.

I started the day feeling a fresh breeze on my palm, a rare feeling of new and inspirational goodness.

I end the day now - after reading, prayer, sincere tears and a potent reminder of the beauty of The Beloved -revitalised, and with a realisation this
morning wind brought answers to my prayers.

To shed useless daydreaming.
To cast aside a mopey attitude.
To capture the many blessings.
To be content with His decree.
To not need a man to realise the depths of my beauty.
To appreciate the bottomless beauty of my sisters, because brothers: you will just never understand & appreciate women like we do.

And so, I have so much more to learn while:
The Shaper of Beauty shapes.
Truly we are all too veiled to see the magnificence of said shaped beauty - in ourselves and in others..
…but I’m beginning to love the thought that only Allah knows that gifted beauty, the special love I keep stored for no one to experience, the flutters of inspiration only meant for me, and the subtle details of this physical body - like the contours on my lips or the number of white hairs that have sprouted on my head.

Only He knows and only He is worthy of being close to the tape of my neck, the live-giving breath only He can breathe through my jugular.

With these thoughts I can sleep with content.