R u m i N a t i o n

Blessed to have been granted access to the Zaatari Syrian...

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 17:35:04 -0400

Blessed to have been granted access to the Zaatari Syrian refugee camp for the second time yesterday.

This second visit is further proof for me how hard photojournalism really is - it’s so easy to get stuck in the moment, at times I totally forgot or felt too overwhelmed to even take photos.

And it continues to amaze me how beautiful the Syrian people are, not just in their disposition but in their physical beauty - it’s a true manifestation of the inner and I’m amazed that I get to experience it.

Now, to try to photograph that to share with you all is a challenge plus a million.

—-

Even the 2.5 hour wait at the gate was an experience in itself - getting hounded by the toughest kids I’ve seen (we had candy), who are so street smart they could probably sell my lungs on the black market for more bags of candy.

After trying to hustle us, and after we let our guards down and started to muck around with them, we quickly realised these kids just need people to give them attention, and to just talk and play with them. Behind all the layers of a tough & unordinary childhood I saw the most genuinely sweet kids.

But we could only realise this after wiping down our own ‘first world’ fog-covered eyes, and then chipping down at our own survival instincts and ever-present pretentiousness.

So many lessons here and I haven’t even begun processing them.

Pray that I have the opportunity to head out there again - and not stumble so I actually get some stories this time.

“erase ” | the creep experiment building experience,...

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 13:25:00 -0500

“erase ” | the creep experiment

building experience, identity, knowledge, spirit, work, community, connections and finding a deep-rooted place and calming reality in your existence..

..then being hit with a sick feeling in your stomach that despite all this, there is still no belonging.

a desire to be erased and lose all connection to this world and find that real place.

coupled with working on multiple projects to expose a lot of what i have ‘built’ is, as ever, sending me in a spin.

fastened to one spot, moving but not going anywhere.

behance gallery

a chilled and profound soak-in of the reflections - of wadi...

Tue, 25 Sep 2012 16:23:00 -0400

a chilled and profound soak-in of the reflections -

of wadi mujib.

of a day filled with mad adventure.

of struggling against the current of an awesome waterfall,

and a rocky water-bed below my feet.

of rock-wall climbs, ropes, ripped pants and lost hijab.

life exposed at it’s bare bones.

of the insignificance of said struggle.

of the distraction of the struggle.

of when you realise to look up.

and forget your little self:

to witness the Majesty and awe-inspiring view’s above,

the brother/sister-hood shown beside,

and the freedom of having my ego lost in the current and trapped for a minute below.

no camera to hide behind the lens, no phone, no wallet, no nothing.

just clothes against on skin, under a daggy old float vest.

just humility.

just absolute perfection.

just the waterfall.

just the Manifestation of His Absolute Strength and Perpetual Beauty.

…

photo taken at sunset with a view to the dead sea, jordan, somewhere along the road to the ‘lowest place on Earth’ and ‘prophet Lot’s cave’

“lurk II ” | the creep experiment skulk loiter lie...

Fri, 24 Aug 2012 02:18:00 -0400

“lurk II ” | the creep experiment

skulk

loiter

lie in wait

hide

conceal oneself

take cover

keep out of sight

…

eyes that were narrowed, thoughts that were trapped, heart that was imprisoned - once illusive & lurking in shadows; once the intriguing and mysterious creature. now the intrigued and now too curious to not show face.

these first shots represent the scratching of the heavy-façade surface, and are only a familiar-yet-uncomfortable-whiff of that daunting reality that most of us find too difficult to realise and articulate, let alone share.

i aim for this project to be a natural extraction of whatever reality is buried (and sometimes conveniently forgotten) within.

“lurk I” | ‘the creep experiment’ i...

Thu, 23 Aug 2012 19:12:00 -0400

“lurk I” | ‘the creep experiment’

i expect to release:

darkness

light

ugly

beauty

and the undefinable in-between.

…

my own face already reminds me how haunting this project is,

for me and for you all who are reluctant to take a deeper look at the not-so-flattering but real-of-The-Real depths within.

but we need to start diggin’.

my shovel is my camera,

what’s yours?

moon #amman

Wed, 22 Aug 2012 14:54:20 -0400

moon #amman

it’s time to dig out the skeletons, open the...

Tue, 21 Aug 2012 21:51:00 -0400

it’s time to dig out the skeletons, open the monster-ridden cupboard and look under the bed.

for too long i’ve been skimming the surface of spiritual/artistic exploration.

thus: ‘the creep experiment’.

much like the art and writing i have been doing for about 2 years, it started with a need ‘to find something else, something great, something more’ than the mediocre and expected. creeped up and out of an impromptu (& very homemade) photo shoot, this project has been birthed out of a need to better define my experience and stop fluttering around with two-minute art.

i realise my art has generated reflections on self-identity, spiritual development and striving to find God (this, at the best, but bumbling foolery at the least) and although they have been true, they’re unarticulated.

an undeveloped idea

an unfinished (delicious) dinner

a vain-hearted attempt

concepts only explored for a minute, truth exposed only for a moment.

thus the need to express boldly - to the point that it gashes and scars me - realise open wounds in order to heal them, instead of leaving a cancerous idea bubble under my skin and letting it consume me with regret.

all that is odd, unexpected, all that we fear (to show, to hide), and how that reflects and shapes our world and other-worldly view - to be exposed, no matter how discomforting and creepy.

(if i have learnt anything, it is that ‘otherness’ has saved me when i was otherwise drowning in mainstream un-thinking)

so let the lurking ideas start to creep and be exposed in the light to be seen clearly.

photoshoot: low-end DSLR (Canon 1000D) compact mirror flash...

Tue, 21 Aug 2012 18:37:00 -0400

photoshoot:

low-end DSLR (Canon 1000D)

compact mirror

flash reflector (i.e. today’s receipts)

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم Old fabric + paint rage + ink sketch. I...

Thu, 02 Aug 2012 22:24:47 -0400

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Old fabric + paint rage + ink sketch.

I still don’t know what this means.
It had been in my head for weeks.

…

p.s. The sketch I did is not my design (still working on the drawing skills).

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي It’s humbling and amazing what one...

Sun, 29 Jul 2012 22:01:05 -0400

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

It’s humbling and amazing what one day of solitude can generate.

I started the day feeling a fresh breeze on my palm, a rare feeling of new and inspirational goodness.

I end the day now - after reading, prayer, sincere tears and a potent reminder of the beauty of The Beloved -revitalised, and with a realisation this
morning wind brought answers to my prayers.

To shed useless daydreaming.
To cast aside a mopey attitude.
To capture the many blessings.
To be content with His decree.
To not need a man to realise the depths of my beauty.
To appreciate the bottomless beauty of my sisters, because brothers: you will just never understand & appreciate women like we do.

And so, I have so much more to learn while:
The Shaper of Beauty shapes.
Truly we are all too veiled to see the magnificence of said shaped beauty - in ourselves and in others..
…but I’m beginning to love the thought that only Allah knows that gifted beauty, the special love I keep stored for no one to experience, the flutters of inspiration only meant for me, and the subtle details of this physical body - like the contours on my lips or the number of white hairs that have sprouted on my head.

Only He knows and only He is worthy of being close to the tape of my neck, the live-giving breath only He can breathe through my jugular.

With these thoughts I can sleep with content.

crescent rise in amman, jordan

Thu, 19 Jul 2012 12:35:41 -0400

crescent rise in amman, jordan

had a sad (sincere) moment recently - coming out of nothing in...

Thu, 19 Jul 2012 12:25:00 -0400

had a sad (sincere) moment recently - coming out of nothing in particular,

just an avalanche brought on by a low dB sound wave.

after months i finally wrote,

it literally poured out of me.

—-

but some words are just not meant to be shared.

I haven’t been here for a while. And so I’ve have...

Fri, 06 Jul 2012 03:38:41 -0400

I haven’t been here for a while.

And so I’ve have failed art365.

I’m unsure whether it’s related to moving to Amman,

or something else.

Apart from an (awesome) photography project and a few sketches,

I’ve been in a creative lull.

(I have been more involved, accidentally really, in photography, and although there is some creativity involved, it feels nothing like painting or writing - I just ‘click’)

It’s all taking a toll, but I want this to teach me to not be in control,

even of my own creative development - to let go and ride whatever inspirational

wave hits me - if it does again.

So, for now, I leave you with a painting of mine (one of my favourites) which was kind of a ‘mistake’, and not planned whatsoever - by me anyway.

My fate is with The Most Gracious.

Hey Hulya, Just thought I'd say hi and see how you were doing. I've been thinking about the retreat a lot in the last couple of days. It's funny how some things take a while to really seep in. You could say I've been ruminating. How are your plans for learning Arabic? Soraiya

Thu, 28 Jun 2012 18:51:30 -0400

Soraiya! Send me an email: tugcu_hulya@hotmail.com

I miss you man =)

123 | art365 | “Spoilt in blessings” uighur...

Fri, 04 May 2012 06:42:45 -0400

123 | art365 | “Spoilt in blessings”

uighur food

reflections

arab passion

scalpels

banana mango cake

DNA

wisdom

save the unicorns

Zena

122 | art365 | "depth of disappointment"

Fri, 04 May 2012 06:37:55 -0400

too deep in disappointment - of myself and others - to have the energy to create or even think - just blank and dark

…

love is dead in the deafening cloud of The Ego Clash

One Twenty One | art365 | “leaving the...

Fri, 04 May 2012 06:35:31 -0400

One Twenty One | art365 | “leaving the familiar”

‘Verily the lust for comfort murders the passion of the soul, and then walks grinning in the funeral’ - K.Ghibran

…

12 days till I leave, inshaAllah

One Twenty | art365 | “moment” breakfast second hand...

Fri, 04 May 2012 06:28:23 -0400

One Twenty | art365 | “moment”

breakfast

second hand books

glebe

tea

badde manours

hazelnut cake

samia

119 | art365 | “erasing sin” black spots burnt onto...

Fri, 04 May 2012 06:17:00 -0400

119 | art365 | “erasing sin”

black spots burnt onto the heart

good deeds alleviate and cool like aloe vera

118 | art365 | “dark heart” i feel like this too...

Fri, 04 May 2012 06:16:00 -0400

118 | art365 | “dark heart”

i feel like this too often..

need to stop finding comfort in the dark..